A telephone shrills away in an office across the pond:

“Yeah who is it”

“My name is John McDonnell, and I’m calling from 10 Downing Street, London.”

“Whaddya do Jonny?”

“I’m the Chancellor of the Exchequer. I run the British Finances.”

“The Brit Government . . .  roit . . . “

“The one and only.”

“Yeah, I hoid about that place. You run the finances you say?”

“I do.”

“Yeah, of coise ya do. From what I hoid the UK got no money left – dis I hear right?”

“We have a minor fiscal problem.”

“Minor – Hah – so that what politicians call it these days.”

“We can’t tell the electorate the truth else we might lose the general election. We need to preserve our Governments using economies with the truth – if we’re exposed we could collapse the entire economy.”

“yeah . . . yeah, I hoid about that. Tell a lie, get caught out, tell another lie to back up the foist lie, tell another lie and so and so on until you can’t escape the truth.

a desperate call to yonders wild
a desperate call to yonders wild

“We can’t have that can we, politicians telling the electorate – how it is – to remain in power. And eh . . . I thoit the UK economy had already collapsed under the weight of a 500% increase in public spending.”

“That’s an exaggeration – there’s no truth in those truths. . . (i mean) Lies at all. It’s a fascist plot to overthrow a caring sharing government. For us it’s about for the many, not the few”

“What happened to the millionaires. I thoit you wuz gonna hit them with higher taxes to fund da public services?”

“They  . . . eh  . . .  left the country taking their money and investment with them, but we’re wooing them back . . . Slowly. . .  (but not) surely.”

“John . . .  I can call you John yeah.”


“If I had lived in the UK and hoid your commitment to raising taxes on all people earning more than £100,000 to 75% and raise taxes on people earning a million every year to 96% I’d pack my bags and leave too.”

“One must try one’s best for the people; As I say, we govern for the many, not the few – regardless of the cost to the economy.

“Yeah but John it ain’t woiked. You’re in deep shit.”

“We’re trying to make it work.”

“You gave the poor people huge handouts by weakening the high earners with huge taxes, then you hit the business owners with huge tax rises. When the poor spent the cash you sequestrated from the rich – giving them a taste of the high life they expected more free cash and bigger handouts to continue living the high life.”

“We were trying to get people off their arses, and it didn’t woik . . . I mean work.”

“NO shit there Columbo. They were enjoying life at the expense of those who woik every day and pay high taxes.”

“We thought there would be plenty more cash to spend. it dried up quicker than we thought.”

“Businesses closed down at a rate of knots every day and before you in the government believed what was happening unemployment passed the 6-million mark.”

“We have a plan in place to offer the unemployed people socially useful jobs so that we can extend our “A country for All, not for the few” motto.”

“Can’t they find the jobs themselves?”

“We want to do it for them.”

“Have you hoid the saying learn how to help yourself. You’re weakening people by doing for them what they should be doing for themselves. So, it seems to me that your government is very good at spending money lent to you, and in doing so you are putting yourself in the position of not being able to repay your government debts.”

“We’re issuing Bonds to cover the debts.”

“OK, OK, So, you want money and no one is lending . . . roit?”


“So, other countries have offered money with Huge interest rates, ridiculous amounts and you can’t affoid it . . .  right because you owe so much after spending so much money on failed projects, increased welfare payments, huge unemployment figures?”

“Yes, its getting ridiculous. As a rich nation, we’re good for it; we’ll repay it.”

“Was a Rich nation you mean, you’re in permanent austerity stakes now. YOu’even taxed the working people the tradesmen and working women into poverty.””

“Give us some credit.”

“So, tell me, What are their demands before they load you the money.”

“We have to cut welfare and pension payments by 90% and lower taxes and cut expenditure on all public services such as education and the NHS,”

“How much you wanna borrow John?”

“Mega Billions to fund essential services and pay the welfare of millions out of woik, I mean work.”

“OK John, I’ll lend you the money, but if you default, I want the country of England handed to me as collateral. In other woids, miss the repayments and I own England.”

“OK, you drive a hard bargain. By the way, I didn’t ask your name.”

“Oh yeah and that’s the other thing when your currency becomes worthless I’ll bring in my currency, named after me in to bolster the economy and what fun that will be. It will be like a theme park.”

“OK. What is your name Sir?”

“My name is Mr Moise, Mickey Moise. . .  maybe you’ve hoid of me!”