Heavenly Electioneering

A crowd of socialist millennials are travelling to London on a train to attend a political rally to support their messiah JC. They sing a song that hails their future leader in the up and coming general election, Ohh ahh JC. WHOO JC we going to make you a leader on the morrow and create a heaven on earth for the many, not the few.

A coachload of millennial Conservative is travelling to London to support Boris. On the way they discuss who will be the next conservative cabinet in government.

The millennial Liberals travel in a 12 seater minibus discussing Europe, its advantages and how we can become one country with Europe and no borders.

The greens take to their bicycles and huff and puff their way to London to support their leader.

In a quirk of fate, the greens on their bikes arrive at a level crossing just as the train, the coach and minibus collide on that level crossing. A colossal explosion kills all the millennials. As they rise to the gates of St Peter pushing, shoving and arguing St Peter looks upon them.

St Peter asks who will speak first? The Socialist millennials shout out that they should be first as they are caring socialists who always help their fellow persons. The Tory millennials are toffs and rob from the poor to pay the rich and kick the poor and minorities into the dust. They are mean, nasty people and the Greens keep taking our policies. What about us ask the Liberals? Both the Tory and Socialist millennials agree the Liberals don’t know what they represent; they should choose either left or right. But the Liberals stick together if only to show there is unity in strength.

St Peter listens before announcing that ‘we have an offer for you. You all have the choice of sampling four heavenly quarters, all paradises designed to make the afterlife easy and rewarding after your trials and tribulations on earth.

“You can have a taster of all four before deciding where you want to be for all eternity. Once you make that decision, you cannot change your mind.”

So they all jump in the lift and go down to the first Heavenly Quarter.

When the lift doors open, a charming lady named Lucy greets them and takes them on a tour. The Socialist Millenials see coal mines, steel making plants, and shipbuilding yards. All the retails outlets are co-operatives as are the banks all owned by the workers. The Trade Unions ensure fair pay and the level of taxation at 60% provides a well funded Health Service and excellent education. Everyone has a house with a huge TV, powerful internet and Lucy has abolished greed.

After completing the tour, they all get back in the lift and ascend to the second heavenly quarter.

Stopheles, a relation to Lucy greets them for the tour.  The Liberal Millenials are in thrall as all the member states of the European Union have given all democratic and judicial rights to a centralised parliament located in Brussels; it comes with a single foreign and defence policy. People are wandering about in a dignified environment from one member state to another without hindrance, and it is a model of a real progressive society.  

Back in the lift, they go to the third heavenly quarter, where Nick hails their arrival. There is gentle harmonious music, lots of fluffy clouds; houses and jobs. The education focusses on self-help. leadership and confidence to enable their progress. The residents have created businesses and make loads of money in a low tax economy with no NHS, no welfare provision. To settle in the UK, applicants must satisfy a point-based system. There is no interference from the European Union, and the UK has trade deals with every country in the world. It enthrals the Tory Millennials.

The lift stops at the fourth Heavenly quarter, and a charming chap named Lived meets the Millenials. All you can see for miles is green grass, mountains topped with snow and sunshine. The people have abolished Nuclear power, and wind, solar and tidal energy provides all the energy needed. All the cars are electric, and bicycles are everywhere.  Farmers grow crops and vegetable farms and have forsaken cows and sheep — the greens like what they see.

They all return to the pearly gates, and St Peter asks the three millennial groups for their decisions.

The Socialist opt for the first quarter

The Liberals opt for the second quarter

The Conservatives opt for the third quarter

The Greens opt for the fourth quarter

St Peter directs the Millenials to four lifts with the message. Please remember, now you have voted you cannot change your decision and ask for a rerun.

They all clamour into the lifts and head to their chosen destination.

When the doors open all has changed.  

They stare aghast at a grey landscape where people wander around with their heads in their hands screaming. The world has ended, and taskmasters have taken over. Their job is to herd the newly arrived dead into cattle trucks to visit the great pit of lost humanity — the only stop.

What has happened, why has everything changed. It wasn’t like this yesterday.

Simultaneously, their hosts announce to their audience. Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted, and this is the reality